am i bored when i think too much?

ally mcbeal said,

“maybe i don’t wanna be content, because after you are happy and content, what else is there?”

that slapped me hard.

as naomi shihab nye said ” i don’t know what to do with too much happiness.”

that stabbed right through.

i don’t know what to do anymore.

contentment must be synonymous with blah.

yes, what else is there?

tell me, what else is there?

are contentment and boring the same?

are you sad when you are bored?

are you happy when you are bored?

are you happy when you are contented?

are you contented when you are happy?

do i have too much time in my hands that’s why i’m asking all these fucking crap?

and so it begins…

FOR YOU…

Walk gently, my love, for my heart’s path is strewn with broken pieces
Remnants of times past, forgotten, yet their sting remains

Beyond the wall is a verdant meadow filled with lush poppies
Just waiting for your perfect touch, your healing love

Two hearts that were once question marks now form a radiant ring
Of love and promise, faith and trust, of laughter and hope

Dissolve into night–feel the surging power of passion’s thunder
Hear the cries of my heart, my soul, and answer those cries

Seal the sands of time, sweet love; dip your brush in silvery shades
And spread your magic across an endless silk canvas

Create a masterpiece only lovers can see or understand
A portrait of harmony, satisfied and caressed

Brick by brick

Eternity

one sweet day

it is on a day like this when i feel like a full-blooded woman. yes, i know, it rarely happens, me being half -human and all.
the yummy one and i were thinking about watching a movie, and had to scout through google if the current movies are good enough to watch. since we can not find a decent movie to watch, and we do not want the new world shit to happen again, we just decided to go home and cook pasta, and have wine and what not.

we had our favorite chablis, paul masson, which is quite good for a mass produced wine. meaning it does not have a good year like the bordeaux or the beaujolais.

anyway, we went home, and since i wanted to surprise him with the pasta, i had him go to the grocery to buy stuff.

i chopped a looootttttt of garlic, meaning a whole head more than the usual, and i chopped plenty of tomatoes. i stewed both for a good long time, smelling heavenly. i sprinkled it with basil to make it smell more inviting.

unfortunately the olives were not pitted, darn the spanish packaging, so i had to remove the pits one by one. imagine that.

but, it was fun. coz it has been a long time since i cooked something showered with a lot of love. not the hurried stuff that we did these past few weeks.

when the yummy one got home, he exclaimed that the tomatoes smelled good, and i took it as a good sign.

it took 10 more minutes to let the sauce simmer before i dumped the mackerel and the capers in, and i was about done.

i took a shower coz i didn’t want to look blasted while having our dinner. i wanted to smell as delicious as the food. hmm… why not? smell like tomato sauce with garlic. LOL.

he set the table, and i loaded ally mcbeal’s pilot episode and we started eating.

what’s wrong with this scene?

ally mc beal. talk about still being in love with her ex.

i felt so subdued. i don’t know why but i didn’t feel like talking. i felt like crying. must be the goddamned hormones.

he offered a toast, but he did not look in my eyes. i was disappointed.

then he said, “to our 6 months.”

i appreciated that. so much.

when he tried the pasta, he said it was yummy. over and over again. that was the first time that he used an understated superlative to describe my cooking, matter of fact. he stood up and kissed me, and told me that he gives everything a TEN. a Satisfied customer. hmmm…..

it made me happy. but i still can’t say anything. i just went on watching ally mc beal. and just got more depressed. or happy. i don’t know which..

we shared the wine in silence. no talk about the past. no reminiscing. i didn’t have the energy and i certainly was not in the mood to think about the whole time we were together no matter how wonderful the memories are.

i just became too mellowed down by the chablis.

maybe, there wasn’t much to say anyway.

we finished our wine, and went to bed.

i need not tell you what happened next….

just know that im smiling…..