i am an old soul. battered, tattered and broken in all the right and wrong places. this bytch here did not earn the name by being inside a candy house. i am an old soul. i have seen hearts trampled to pieces, caused the breaking of several i myself passed by, i have seen death, i have seen life. i have given life. i ought to have learned a lot. but i am not even sure if what i learned will amount to anything much.

but these are the things i have learned so far. well, a round up of them.

26. familiarity breeds contempt. no need to elaborate.

25. i learned that friends will come and go. but those who are there even after you have said nasty things to them, threw bottles of beer at them, curse them and physically injure them, are friends for keeps. and you are an asswipe.

24. your self-respect and other people’s respect for you diminish each time you borrow money from them. borrow and pay with interest. on time. this way, you retain 67% of their affection and respect.

23. i learned that men prefer being abused. if you grovel at their feet, and fulfill all their wishes, and cater to their whims, they will leave you.

22. books are constantly there. they will never leave you . they will be available for you anytime. and so books should never be given more importance than your loved ones. because books will always be there. your loved ones wont be.

21. people lose respect for you when you are too drunk to stand up from your mess. you also disgust them when you do crazy stuff because you are too inebriated to know reason. drink happy. or do not drink at all.

20. your family is nature’s way of ensuring you have friends. they can be abused, emotionally maimed and temporarily forgotten, but remember that until the world ends, you will always share their blood.

19. Greed will bury even the lucky eventually.

18. Time heals all wounds… regardless of how you feel right now.

17. Milk, when spilled, stains the carpet. Of course there is reason to cry. and reason to rub the carpet until your hands are raw. But of course, there is more reason and sanity in just burning the freaking carpet altogether.

16. in the race to bossdom, we trample little people. woe unto you when those people get to bossdom first.

15. boredom and lethargy is the root of all evil.

16. evil is the juice of pain that stewed into revenge.

14. in reality, a man is more passionate about and with a mistress, than when he is with his wife.  this is why i may never marry.

13. money, when held, burns. money when spent impulsively, never returns.

12.Your actions now create memories you will reminisce and talk about in your elder years.

11. Life based on a moment of happiness for a lifetime of pain is a life of constant emptiness.

10. The best way to a man’s heart is through your tongue on his dick.

9. Your weaknesses will be made into strengths by people who knows how to exploit them.

8. Taking ownership of failure builds the foundation for success. But other people insisting that you take ownership for a failure that is not yours builds the foundation for a psychotic.

7. Kindness and hard work will take you further than intelligence. Which means that when you are smart, you are a loser. and those ahead of you are idiots.

6. It is wise to hold back, especially when she takes her time coming. If you can not hold back, prepare your tongue and finger.

5. Satisfaction is relative to the satisfaction of he who satisfies you.

4. Your offspring is your proof of existence, and living proof of your worth. If your child grows up worthless, you will not die worthy.

3. Being fat is not easy. No matter what all the other fat people say, it is not okay to be fat. You miss a helluva lot of things, like being able to try all 168 sexual positions.

2. I learned and believe that each and every single interaction we have with anyone is an opportunity to touch other people’s lives and be touched in return. So we need to mind all our actions because we may hurt and destroy lives without knowing it.

1. I can only survive so much pain. But pain can not survive me.