time to soar, once more…
the interviewer asked me what my view on achievement was. it took me a full five seconds to digest the question and think of what sushmita sen would have answered this in the miss universe.
i said, ”i believe that the real essence of achievement is pride and joy in the successful accomplishment of any goal that you set for yourself, no matter how trivial it may be.”
this answer may be the reason why one of the best contact centers in the world has offered me a contract for a job that pays enough so i can feed 15 people a day for the whole month. haha. (that was the bytch in me talking.)
but the key word here is GOAL.
last december 14th, i set a goal for myself. of course you must remember that i promised not to drink anymore. and yes, i am proud and joyful that it had been (Whoah!!!) 5 months (and going) that i am alcohol-and-problem-free.
now that is an achievement.
on february 1st, i set another goal. to be boyfriend-and-headache-free. and yes, thank you, my heart is now resting peacefully. although i still like he-who-is-the-radio-god-of-the-visayas. haha.
goal accomplished. but until when, i can not say.
may 1st brought a new set of goals. and a whole new batch of opportunities.
i have decided to go back to the big old metro, to the city that refuses to sleep, to be the corporate whore that i think i was bred and educated to be. i burnt half of my brain cells thinking about this, so do not judge me to be fickle-minded and impulsive. as was expected, i talked to my hero/father about this, and i thought that i was going to be presented with a long sermon paired with a bucket of tears, but lo and behold, i was wrong. my dad was at first hesitant to agree, but with a little bit more prodding, he consented, saying, ” Okay yan Ga, I’m sure kaya mo na, kasi di ka na umiinom.” and with that he smiled, with that special smile that he gives to me, and i hugged him. my father is once again setting me free.
free na magsabog ng lagim sa metro.
this decision was a bit difficult to make, what with my current responsibilities in the foundation, of course the radio program, and the teeny weeny bit of help that my presence gives to my family.
and also, i am in my comfort zone. here, i will never ever go hungry, or penniless, or destitute. i am as comfortable as i can be. i don’t have to worry about the rent, the food, and i don’t have to sleep late, i don’t have to wake up early, i don’t have to do a lot of things. i have financial freedom. i have a car at my disposal. and most importantly, my dad is here, to take care of me when i am sick, to talk to me and listen to me and comfort me when my brothers are being assholes. really, one would think that there may not be anything else i could ask for.
i could stay here forever.
but, i know myself well. and some of you pickles reading this article know me as well. i know myself enough that i can not stay here forever.
i am not a creature made for comfort. this brain fizzles and shrivels in inertness. 8 months ago, my IQ was 147. yesterday, i tested to be to an all time low of 130. i can no longer answer complex questions such as “If John is taller than Maria, and Maria is taller than Bobby, how tall is your neighbor?”
i work and perform better when in a crisis, or a time frame. i love multi-tasking, meaning, i can read a book while playing chess, while listening to my agent’s call, while answering an online personality test. and no, i am not kidding.
i love being in a crazy environment, where i can boss around, and be bossed around. in an environment where you deal with insanity on a day to day basis. i thrive in a place where your boss gives you a deadline now that was due yesterday, where he demands that you resolve an issue even a rocket scientist can’t.
i miss not being able to sleep for more than 5 hours because your travel time is as much as your time in the office. i miss waking up at 2 am and taking a cold damn shower a minute later, and fixing my make up in the elevator on the way down to a street where i can be robbed before i get to a taxi.
i miss avaya, and conference calls, and feeling superior against americans. i miss having to time in and out, i miss over time. i miss tall buildings, and new year fireworks that you look down to instead of up.
oh god, i miss the busses. ordinary or aircon. “o, ayala, ayala, libertad, pasay, quiapo, impyerno.” even that, i miss.
i miss the cholesterol-laden kwek-kwek, the authentic california maki, mcDo and mcDon’t, krispy kreme and gloria jean’s coffee.
i miss being alone in the house, naked, smoking in the window and watching the mall of asia from my 12th floor unit.
all these were my life for 6 years, crap i know, but dear gods, how i miss it.
and that is why i am leaving this comfortable zone.
aside from these reasons, i need to be able to take care of my daughter Nylxze Danyaelabelle Alvyette, who is going to be on First Grade at St. Scholastica’s this year. I want to be able to send and pick her up from school. I want to watch her grow into being a beautiful, smart and talented lady. I want to be there when everything happens to her.
more than all these, i need to go back out on my own to be able to prove that i can do it without the previous mistakes. i need to prove to my dad that i have matured a bit. i need to prove to my mom that i can be financially responsible. i have to prove to my family that i am no longer what they know me to be.
and i need to prove to myself that i can now fly high because my talons are not gripping a bottle of tequila anymore…
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